I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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