even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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