when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
