Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
