Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You are the jesus of drinking
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
