you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
