Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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