I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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