Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
