i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
