the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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