I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
