I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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