he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
