Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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