Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
