you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
