Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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