he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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