Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
