I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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