..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
