my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
