East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is my life. Enjoy the view
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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