After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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