I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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