Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
