i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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