He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
