he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
