She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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