went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
