i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
