Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize