I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
