i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
