he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
