they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
