Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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