im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
