: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
