My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize