Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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