I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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