I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
