You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize