therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize