I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
