you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
