Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize