he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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