Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
