i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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