if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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