Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize