Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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