Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boobs speak an international language.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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