so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
