nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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