can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
