I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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