she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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