he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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